


Thomas and the Fucking Tiger in the Living Room

by DangerousCommieSubversive



Series: Secret Six: The College Years [1]
Category: DCU, Secret Six
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Gen, Tigers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 16:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerousCommieSubversive/pseuds/DangerousCommieSubversive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are people who share dorm rooms and barely ever speak to each other. There are people who room with their best friends. There are fraternities and sororities, there are crappy apartments, there are weird boarding houses.</p><p>And then there are the people who live with Jeannette, in her inexplicably big house. Including Thomas. Who brought home a <em>live tiger</em> from his internship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thomas and the Fucking Tiger in the Living Room

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story in a planned series of...indefinite length. It's a Secret Six college AU! Hooray!

 Scandal got in, threw her coat on a hook and her shoes under the bench, dropped her bag on the steps. Turned around.

And said, “There's a fucking _tiger_ in the living room.”

Thomas frowned at her. “Keep it down, she's sleeping.”

She stared at him for a moment before dropping into the nearest chair. “What are we watching? Also, what's a fucking tiger doing in the living room?”

“Getting me an A, I hope. And _House of Flying Daggers,_ what the hell do you think?” The baby tiger on his lap let out a sleepy growl and rolled over, and he started rubbing her stomach. “Don't worry, she's very well-behaved.”

“If you say so...” After another minute of dubious staring she pulled out a textbook and settled down to do some reading.

Half an hour later the front door banged open, they heard the thump of someone dropping a bag and shoes, and then Floyd said, “Holy _shit,_ there's a fucking _tiger_ in the living room.”

“Don't _shout,_ you'll _scare_ her.”

“Why is there a fucking tiger in the living room?”

“She doesn't like being alone and I wanted to watch TV.”

“I...” Floyd gaped. “...you know what, whatever.” He threw himself onto the loveseat, sprawling across the entire thing, and pulled out his Vita.

A little while after that, Thomas' movie ended, and then the little tiger woke up. She blinked at him and let out a surprisingly pitiful mew. He scratched her ears. “You need dinner, don't you, sweetie?” He edged her off his lap. “Here, I'll be right back.”

He headed into the kitchen, and the tiger hopped down off the couch and began to explore. It didn't take long for her to discover a crumpled syllabus on the floor. She batted at it. It rolled away. She pounced.

The front door opened and closed, letting in a gust of cool early-autumn air, closely followed by Jeannette. She grabbed Floyd's hair, pulled his head back gently to get a kiss—“Hey, Jeannie”—and then went very still. “Floyd,” she said into his mouth, “there's a fucking tiger in the living room.”

He nodded. “That there is.”

“ _Who_ is _responsible_ for putting a fucking tiger in my living room?”

“It belongs to Thomas,” said Scandal, not looking up from her book.

The tiger caught her prety and tumbled across the carpet, leaving a trail of shredded paper behind her.

“Thomas.”

Thomas wandered back in from the kitchen, carrying a baby bottle. “Hey, Jeannette.”

“Why have you—what is that _smell?_ ”

“Dinner for the tiger.” He sat back down and patted his knee, and the tiger crawled into his lap and promptly began to bottle-feed.

“Is that a fucking _tiger?_ In the _living room?_ ”

Everyone jumped—except Thomas, who was still holding the tiger. Scandal finally put down her book. “Pete, when did you get here?”

Skinny Pete shrugged. “Been home all day. Where did the fucking tiger come from?”

Thomas resettled her on his lap. “You heard about that drug bust, right? Where the guy had ideas about making a _menagerie_ to show off how _rich_ he was?” His lip twisted.

“ _That's_ Tony the Coke Tiger?”

“Don't call her that, you'll hurt her feelings. Anyway, she's really malnourished, and nobody else could get near her to feed her _or_ give her a bath. She's fine with people being around, but when it comes to food and water she just flips out. And she's scared of the other tigers. But she likes me ok.”

“So your supervisor let you take her _home?_ ”

“Just until she's got her strength up.”

Skinny Pete perched on the back of the couch and stared down at her. “She's kind of cute.”

The stairs creaked.

Everyone said, weirdly in unison, “Hey, Bane.”

“Hello.” He sat down on the couch next to Thomas and reached for a book full of Post-It on the coffee table.

There was a suspended pause before Scandal said, “Aren't you going to ask about the fucking tiger?”

Bane looked down at the tiger.

She looked up at him, licking her chops.

He scratched her under the chin.

She purred.

Apparently satisfied, he turned to Thomas. “What's her name?”

Thomas gave the tiger her bottle again. “Katherine Hepburn.”

Floyd didn't even look up from his game. “Baby was a leopard.”

“Shut up, Floyd, I already know that.”

Jeannette sighed. “Having a tiger is a very big responsibility, Thomas.”

“I have plenty of her formula here, more at the lab, and plenty of steak for when she's up for it. And a harness for walkies.”

“...all right, then.”

The tiger turned away from the bottle, burped, and fell asleep with her head on Bane's knee.

Thomas put the baby bottle aside. “So whose night is it to make dinner?”

 

–

 

Unfortunately it was Skinny Pete's night to make dinner. His night the previous week hadn't gone too badly, but he made up for it _this_ time by somehow lighting the kitchen on fire while making ramen. The smoke cleared fairly quickly, though, nothing was permanently damaged, and the soup was surprisingly delicious.

After dinner they crowded into the living room again. Floyd and Pete put on the movie they'd been assigned for their filmmaking class. Bane quizzed Scandal on study questions for an upcioming test. Jeannette disappeared into the basement to work.

Thomas got out the tiger's bottle again. “Hey, Katie. You hungry?”

The tiger mewed.

Scandal squinted at the bottle. “What's _in_ that stuff, anyway?”

“Milk.”

“I thought cats couldn't digest dairy.”

“It's tiger milk. And some protein powder and vitamins. She's very underweight. She ought to be at least ten pounds heavier.”

Scandal looked dubiously at the tiger. Thomas' lap was barely even _visible_ beneath it. “Are you sure?”

“For a tiger of her age she's very small.” The bottle ran dry, and he set it aside, only wincing a little as the tiger batted at his hand. “You wanna go for a walk, Katie? Get some fresh air?”

As soon as Thomas had the tiger in her harness and had left the house, Floyd raised a hand. “I bet ten bucks it kills us all in our sleep.”

“Tigers are very gentle,” Bane rumbled.

“Says you, you're built like a brick shithouse. _Some_ of us have delicate parts to worry about.”

 _Everyone_ turned to look at him. Skinny Pete coughed. “Floyd, I think I'm the only one here who wants to hear about your delicate parts.”

Floyd edged away from him. “You can stay _right_ the hell away from my delicate parts.”

“We could make a film for class about them.”

“Pete. No.”

“Jeannette could put it on her website.”

“I'm callin' the cops now. Just fyi.”

“I could put what on my website now?” Jeannette trailed her fingers along the back of the couch as she walked in and arched an eyebrow.

“Jeannieeeee, Pete wants to make a movie about my _junk._ ”

“What a lovely idea. But I don't think my subscribers would be interested unless there were _implements_ involved, and you said you didn't like them.”

Bane stood up abruptly. “I am going to go study in my room.”

There was an unholy yowl from outside the house, followed by a loud crash, and then the sound of Thomas cursing up a storm.

“Holy shit, what was that?” Scandal wrenched the window open. “Tom, what the hell?”

“Squirrel! Just a squirrel! Everything's fine!”

“You gonna be ok?”

“Nothing's broken!”

“Good.” She shut the window.

“Now that _that's_ finished...” Skinny Pete stretched and then leered at Floyd. “Let's talk about movies.”

“Jeannie, help!”

 

–

 

The tiger followed Thomas upstairs when he went to bed, padding along behind him like a dog. She sat next to his feet while he brushed his teeth, waited in the hall outside the bathroom when he shut the door, and hopped up onto the bed when he headed into his bedroom. Her thunderous purring was faintly audible through the walls.

In the next room Floyd rolled over, frowning nervously. “It's gonna kill us all. I'm gonna die without knowing my grade on my Etruscan art paper.” He paused. “Which might be a good thing.”

“Go to sleep.” Jeannette pressed her face into the side of his neck. “I have to give a presentation tomorrow.”

“Which class?”

“Adolescent psych.”

“Shit, _that_ one's tomorrow?”

“Go. To. Sleep.”

“I'll root for you.”

She put a hand over his mouth. “Thank you, Floyd. Now sleep. Very important.”

In Thomas' room the tiger purred.

 

–

 

“So how did you get it here from the zoo?”

Thomas shrugged, shoveling eggs into his mouth. “What do you think? I took the bus.”

Jeannette didn't even look up from her notes. “You took the tiger on a public bus?”

“She sat on my lap, it was fine.”

Floyd wandered in, half-asleep and still in his boxers. “Morning, ev—holy shit, I forgot about the fucking tiger.”

The tiger was occupied with a catnip mouse, but at Floyd's exclamation she looked up and mewed. Then, as Floyd went very still, she padded over to him and rubbed against his leg, purring loudly.

“What's she doing?”

“She wants to be friends. Haven't you ever had a cat? Scratch her behind the ears.”

“What if she bites me?”

“She's not going to bite you, don't be a baby.”

Nervously Floyd leaned down and scratched the tiger's ears. She leaned into his hand, still purring. He stared at her. “Uh...nice kitty?”

More purring.

“So. What's she gonna do during the day?”

“Come to class with me, obviously. The dealer had her leash trained, which I wouldn't normally approve of, but it does make things easier here.”

Jeannette turned a page in her notes. “Dean Waller will kill you.”

“I'd like to see her try.”

Floyd shuddered, and it was only partially because he was standing in front of the open refrigerator in his underwear. “You really wouldn't.”

“Someday you'll have to tell me what she's got on you.”

“It's real cute that you think that.”

Scandal bumped Floyd gently with her hip as she walked in. “Morning, folks—shit, are those eggs?”

“Your plate's the red one with the polka dots.” Thomas jerked his thumb at the counter. “There's also pancakes.”

“I could kiss you, but we're both too gay.”

“I'm game. I _am_ bi. And you're pretty cute.”

“You got a cat and named it Katherine Hepburn. You're _so_ gay. You're the gayest person in this house. I relinquish my title. Congratulations.”

“I like having the tiger here.”

“Holy _shit,_ Pete, don't sneak _up_ on me like that.”

“She adds a touch of...hm...mystery to the house. And fur. She shed all over the couch. It's very festive.” Pete reached down from his perch on top of the refrigerator and snatched a pancake and a jar of jam from the counter. He rolled the pancake into a cylinder, dipped it into the jam, and took a delicate bite. “Mm. This is a very good batch.”

“I thought we talked about you sitting on the fridge.”

“You talked. As I recall, I was busy thinking about the nature of art.”

“You were...I give up. I can't talk to you.”

The tiger eyed the table speculatively, tensed, and leaped, landing neatly on Thomas' thankfully empty plate. After a moment of curious prowling, she stuck her face into Jeannette's glass of milk.

Jeannette didn't even flinch. “Tom, get the damn tiger off the table, I'm getting ready for a presentation.”

 

–

 

“Good morning, class. Today we will be dissecting—” The professor went very still as he reached his desk, frozen in the act of feeling for his chair. “Who brought a tiger?”

A murmur went through the room as Thomas said, “She's with me, Dr. Cross.”

“Mr. Blake. I should have guessed. May I ask _why_ you've brought a live tiger into my classroom? Is she enrolling in the class? Or is she perhaps a working animal?”

“No, there just wasn't a good spot for her outside.”

“I see.”

Some of the stupider members of the class snickered.

Dr. Cross sat, leaned his cane against his desk, and extended his hand, making a soft _tcch_ noise. The tiger promptly jumped up, padded up to him, and presented her head for scratching. He smiled. “She seems fairly quiet. She can stay, as long as she doesn't eat any part of your lab.”

 

–

 

The _real_ sensation was at mid-day, when Thomas and his tiger needed lunch and Thomas decided to grace the student union with his presence. There was a shock and a whispering as he walked into the bulding, followed _very_ closely by Katie, who was rumbling irritably. He got his lunch, heated Katie's bottle in one of the microwaves, and sat down.

And as he started to bottle-feed the tiger, his table exploded with girls.

Across the dining hall, Floyd muttered, “Jerk,” into his soda.

Bane shrugged. “He seems content.”

“Of _course_ he's _content,_ he's covered in chicks. Bet _I_ could get a ton of chicks if _I_ had a tiger.”

“You have a girlfriend.”

“Eh, Jeannie wouldn't mind.”

“What wouldn't I mind?”

Floyd froze, not looking up at Jeannette. “Nothing, babe. Just talking shit. How'd your presentation go?”

She sat down next to him straight-backed, set her tray on the table, and then slumped, narrowly avoiding a faceful of soup. “Don't even talk to me about it.”

“That bad, huh?” He rubbed her back.

“No, it went fine. But if Di and her jock friends keep asking asinine questions I'm going to stab someone.”

“Di's actually pretty nice.”

“I hate her. I hate her and her smug, self-satisfied smile.”

“Oh, _look_ at that jerk.”

Jeannette blinked. “Who, Thomas? What about—shit, isn't that Helena Bertinelli?”

The girl in question had taken a seat next to Thomas, and was watching him appraisingly as he wiped a droplet of milk off Katie's nose. When he put the napkin aside she leaned toward him, undeniably flirtatious. He said something to her. She smiled. His mouth twitched in a pleased smirk.

“Thinks he's such a fucking lady-killer. _Look_ at him.”

Bane drained his mug of coffee. “You seem jealous.”

“What? _No!_ Why would I be—you are _fucked_ up, man.”

Jeannette shot Floyd a thoughtful look and then clapped a hand over her mouth. “Look at the tiger!”

The tiger had hopped onto the table and was doing her best to roar. Helena Bertinelli was laughing, delighted. Thomas had a hand on her knee.

“Whatta you wanna bet _that's_ why he brought it with? He just wants to get _laid._ ”

“Well, the _tiger_ certainly thrives with attention.” As a growl reached their ears--“As long as nobody besides Tom touches her food.”

 

–

 

“We should _do_ something in the evenings.”

Scandal grimaced down at _The Female Man._ “We _do_ do things in the evenings. We drink. We get homework done. We watch TV.”

“No, _together._ ” Skinny Pete was draped along the back of the couch, a script in one long-fingered hand. “As a group.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You're not going to suggest that we start a business or something, are you? Or, like, have an orgy?”

“I like orgies. But no. I was thinking more...games.”

“Like...Scrabble?”

“Dungeons and Dragons.”

Floyd raised a hand—he had once again colonized the loveseat, and was buried in a book on neo-Classicism. “I heard nerd words.”

Very calmly, Pete tore a blank page from the back of his script, balled it up, and tossed it onto Floyd's stomach. “Katie! Get the rat!”

“Shiiiiit shit shit shit no Katie _don't_ get the _ow!_ ”

The tiger pounced.

Scandal held her book up to hide her grin. “I think I like having a tiger.”

From the second floor they heard a door creak open, and Thomas' voice saying, softly, “Do you want to come down? I have to feed the tiger.”

Helena Bertinelli's voice right afterwards. “Got something I could feed _you,_ tiger.” And laughter. “No, I'll stay in here, I have some reading to do, and I don't feel like getting dressed.”

“Ok. I'll be back soon, then.”

“Bring some chips when you come back up! And soda!”

“Yes, ma'am.”

After a moment Thomas came into the living room, dressed in a t-shirt and shorts but still sweaty enough that it was fairly obvious what he'd been up to. He picked the tiger up from Floyd's stomach and scratched her ears. “Katie, you are the best thing to happen to me in a while.”

Katie purred, nuzzling his face.

As he carried the tiger into the kitchen to have her dinner, Floyd said, “So I guess we have a tiger now.”

Scandal shrugged. “Guess so.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me a comment if you enjoyed the story! ^_^


End file.
